If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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