i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize