did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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