Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
What happened to fro yo and sex?
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
