i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Randomize
