I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I think a kid would responsible me up
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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