I want to make a zoo with you.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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