Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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