I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Randomize
