My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Randomize
