In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
