so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
