just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize
