Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
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