If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
