I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Randomize
