Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
