apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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