Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
