his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
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