I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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