The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
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