How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
