break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
