yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize