the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
