He disabled his match.com account in front of me
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
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