Who did Billy Mays play for?
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Please don't give away my fajitas
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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