I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
soo... how was my night?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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