Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
We named our party play list daddy issues
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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