I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I checked into jail on foursquare
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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