Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
