I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize