Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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