I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
