I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Such a big mess for such a small penis
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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