ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
