Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
