if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
