I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
