Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
