Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize