she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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