just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Randomize
