He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
