I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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