No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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