And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
