I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Randomize
