i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
