last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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