my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
