winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Randomize
