Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
How does it feel to date your dad?
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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