The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
