so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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