Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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