they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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