a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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