I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
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