you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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