I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
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