just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
