Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
you made out with another girl for some wings
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
