Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Randomize
