The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
