lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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