2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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