party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
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