you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Randomize
