Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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